8 Critical Signs To Pay Attention To BEFORE You Identify Someone As “The Problem”

Maria Flynn
Written by Maria Flynn

When people trigger us, it’s an easy default response to jump into “what’s wrong with them” versus asking deeper questions.   Paying attention to the REAL SIGNS will help you identify where the REAL PROBLEM resides.

It’s OK.  You’re OK.

It’s normal and if you’re dedicated to your own personal growth and development, then you’re already open to plug back into your personal growth potential.

When you’re in the thick of irritability, feeling super sensitive or tense around a person (or persons) AND BEFORE you identify them as the problem—please take a moment to reflect.  You’ll thank yourself for this healing opportunity and save yourself gallons of future issues.

These 8 Signs give you the opportunity to find new and improved perspective along with long and overdue healing:


In the throws of your irritability do you see yourself as disempowered?  If so, ask yourself if you’re comparing yourself to another.  I love Tiny Buddha’s tips to snap out of this.  You’ve got to focus on YOU and love and accept and be grateful for where you are.


Are you simply and completely drained from pleasing others (specifically the one person who you’re having issues with)?  Is life lop-sided because of it?  Have you created a life where the needs have been met for another and you’ve been left out of the equation?  Remember, how you treat yourself also teaches others how to treat you.  Do yourself a massive loving favor and take time to love and respect and honor yourself.


Are you watching others outgrow you?  Are you still stuck because you haven’t (gently) started pushing comfort zones?  Do you suffer from fear of failure?  or… Fear of the future?  I find this one quote from Marianne Williamson healing for my soul when fear rears its ugly head:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~ Marianne Williamson, A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”


Have you looked at your own stress levels?  If you’ve been highly stressed and overly busy, take a step back before you identify another person as “the problem.”  RIGHT NOW, take steps to start identifying when you feel stress.  It may be that you’ve been so stressed and frazzled for so long that you’ve actually forgotten what it feels like to NOT be stressed.

Make it a daily exercise to observe your muscles tension.  Are you sore anywhere on your body?  Is your stomach or jaw constantly tight?  What about your breath?  Is it shallow? Daily deep breathing exercises and meditation will go a long way to supporting you.


When was the last time you had a deep and restful night of sleep?  Make a commitment now to RIP TO SHREDS the idea that you have to be constantly working and being busy to be successful (in any area of life).  Make the COMMITMENT to embrace the concept that rest and recovery are an asset weighing GREATLY in your favor to reach any levels of success (from personal to professional)


Having to be in control of everything is tiresome to your body and to your brain.  As a formal control freak myself, I realized that I wasn’t always doing things “better” … in fact, the idea of doing things better not only became tiresome for me, it was tiresome for the people I cared about, too.  It was annoying. 🙂

There’s no such thing as perfection.  The moment I let this go and I trusted the Universe and the process more, I left room for Divine mistakes and amazing learning opportunities to greater things later (for myself and for the people I cared about, too).  By no means does this mean to be irresponsible, but to live life more like Don Miguel Ruiz explains in his book, The Four Agreements:

Always Do Your Best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.


How much do you leave undone? Are you lacking in your own ability to be assertive and follow-through the completion of projects (any projects)?  Do you observe others completing things while you can’t finish one simple task and then wonder why?  The energy of incompletion is like an open drain of energy!  You’ll have amazing moments and opportunities but they’ll NEVER be seen to their fullest potential and capacity.  Stop letting them slip away….

How you do anything is how you do everything. ~T. Harv Eker, Secrets of the Millionaire Mindset: Mastering the Inner Game of Wealth

This quote from T. Harv Eker is NOT to be taken lightly.  If you can’t manage to handle the small tasks and projects and problems at hand, you won’t be able to handle the bigger ones either.  So if your home is mess, chances are your finances are a mess.  If your finances are a mess, chances are your relationships aren’t thriving, either.

8.  (Insert Any Category)-AHOLIC

What is consuming you so much you can’t chill out a bit?  Work-aholic?  Video game-aholic?  TV-aholic? Gossip-aholic? Social Media-aholic? Do you have to fill time with something TO DO to avoid something else that’s going on?  Do you look to numb-out so you don’t have to deal with other deeper issues?  Do you get irritated at others because they force you to look at things you’d rather avoid?

Finally… ALL of these signs are also related to your solar plexus chakra.  If you’re having trouble overcoming these signs that signal other deeper issues, then try asking for help from a Reiki Practitioner.  The healing arts are a wonderful complement to your self-care and nurturing.

For more about this topic, please watch the video below with myself and special guest, Steven Aitchison…

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About the author

Maria Flynn

Maria Flynn

Maria Flynn is the founder of One Wise Life as well as writer, coach, and creator of Your Energy Makeover, Spirituality For The Stubborn Soul Membership, and ABUNDANCE Bootcamp 3-Week Intensive. Maria has transformed her own life using the same methods she teaches her students to overcome and heal from abuse, obesity, and depression.

Maria has impacted the lives of millions through her online programs and social media presence. Maria has created a space for others to find self-love, self-discovery, self-improvement, and a renewed trust in their own intuition that answers the inner ache for those wanting more meaning and fulfillment in life.

Maria's purpose is to educate individuals to the reality that everyone (no exceptions) is a Sacred Thumbprint of the Universe (an extension and expression of the Universe) and therefore have an innate ability to work in HARMONYwith the Universe by integrating their own Spiritual Force supporting the creation of joyful, successful, meaningful, and ABUNDANT lifestyles. Maria's proven that her real and practical approach and systems work with clients around the world who've experienced massive breakthroughs.